Life Under Pressure

Growing up in a Mexican household I was constantly body shamed. If I started to feel comfortable and eat what I wanted, I then became “too big”. I was never comfortable with my body and constantly compared myself to other girls. This went on until high school. I started to feel pressure which led me to skip some meals here and there. Eventually I didn’t eat at all. It started to affect my health, and I was losing myself. Not only physically but mentally too.

Fast forward to my first love! With my self-esteem being so low I became very vulnerable! The perfect prey for a narcissist. I just wanted to be wanted. What I didn’t know , it would lead me to codependency, people pleasing, and stagnancy. I was gaslit, manipulated and used. I felt I had to do things for him just to make him stay. I of course relapsed because when he was distant i felt like it was because he was becoming less attracted to me due to my current weight. This lasted about 2 years. I then jumped into another relationship I healed. I swore he would be the one.my kid revolves around him. I picked up my life and moved for him. Only to lose myself entirely. I felt the lowest I ever felt. I was constantly anxious and paranoid. My partner never made me feel safe or secure. I felt jealous and angry constantly. this lasted 6 years.

“Learning how to be alone has been one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. It allowed me to slow down, to stop considering others before myself, to consider myself and to get to know myself intimately, to date myself, to cry with myself and rely on myself for support” - Model in photo